


Forward, Soldier

by Cranberrytaboo



Series: The Switch [3]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: A little bit of Lore diving, Angst and Drama, Domestic Fluff, Gen, M/M, Past Relationship(s), and benrey hurt his hand a little bit, gordon finally goes to a doctor, the boys are making up, theres a tiff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29061123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cranberrytaboo/pseuds/Cranberrytaboo
Summary: Benrey can't get his past out of his mind.
Relationships: Established Frenrey, Hints at past platonic and/or romantic Benzen
Series: The Switch [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040893
Comments: 29
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's some exposition for the relationship between Benrey and Forzen prior to the Resonance Cascade.

Benrey had been eager to return home since before they left.

The first time Gordon had up and disappeared on them had been frustrating enough. Between worrying about his own Gordon and trying to figure out the new one, he'd gotten pretty fed up. Even when his relationship with the other Gordon grew more friendly, he couldn't keep his worries about his Gordon out of his head. 

Finally, his Gordon was returned to him, and he was happy. For a while. Then everything went to shit again, because of the G-Man's bosses. Benrey couldn't imagine ever taking orders from anyone, so he couldn't relate to Mr. Coolatta's stress, but nevertheless they'd been dragged into the same universe his Gordon had vanished to last time. There, they faced trial after trial, and Gordon had gotten hurt more times than he ever should have. The number of times Gordon _should_ have gotten hurt was, of course, zero. But his reckless, mindless, selfless Gordon had to go and put himself in harm's way for other people. It was as admirable as it was frustrating and terrifying enough to make Benrey want to tear his own hair out. 

The best thing to come of the whole, tiring, painful ordeal was that Gordon finally realized the truth. It had only taken him such a long time that Benrey was starting to wonder if Gordon had felt the same way at all, but it turned out that Gordon was just absolutely clueless. Once Benrey had stated his feelings in no uncertain terms, Gordon immediately reciprocated, and that was that solved. 

Now, they were finally home. Gordon was settled in bed, resting to heal his remaining wounds, and Benrey was laying beside him, just as they had done before they ever left. Gordon was sleeping, breathing softly beside him, hair loose and falling across his pillow. He looked so peaceful, so comfortable. 

So why couldn't Benrey just be satisfied? 

The answer lay with Darnold. Rather, what Darnold had told him just before he and Gordon went home. "You're always missed in Team Nice." 

Unable to keep still for a moment longer, Benrey rose to his feet, stalking into the living room and pacing the floor. The apartment was modestly sized, and Benrey didn't step too loudly for fear of waking Gordon in the next room, but he certainly circled, nearly driving footprints into the carpet with his tread. 

Forzen. They'd seen each other briefly during the Black Mesa Incident, hadn't they? When Forzen had Tommy's dog hostage. 'Sunkist is a golden retriever, but it would have been funnier if she'd been a lab...' Benrey shook his head to clear the errant thought. Back on track. 

He and Forzen had been roommates a long time ago. Just like him and Feetman now, right? No, Benrey reasoned, not quite. You weren't a couple. Or were you? You were certainly close. You certainly got really affectionate with each other. You sure did spend a long time living under the same roof. 

And they'd had so much in common, too. Both of them were deeply invested in games, and spent much of their time either playing or talking about video games together. Benrey smiled as he fondly remembered the first time Forzen had come home sporting his sick-ass Chris Bores tattoo... 

He quickly frowned, shaking his head. What was he doing, reminiscing and having _emotions_ about someone so far away in the past? Whether he and Forzen had been friends or something different, none of that mattered anymore. It was over, it had been over for years now. So why did his chest ache? Feeling a bit defeated, he plopped down onto the couch, heaving a heavy sigh. 

The curtains of the front window were cheap enough that Benrey could faintly make out the glow of street lamps. 'Oh yeah. That remembers me.' He pulled his phone out, browsing some online stores for a while before finding some pretty blue fairy lights. `Night lights for Gordon Babyman... check.` 

It wasn't much, but at least he felt like he'd done something productive. Now, just to wait a few more hours till sunrise, and he could go question Darnold further about the Forzen ordeal. 

Sunrise came, and Benrey blinked when he heard the bed creak in the other room, followed by a tired groan. Gordon shuffled into the room, rubbing bleary eyes before putting his glasses on. "Morning, Benrey... Did you get up early or something?"

"Speak for yourself." Benrey quipped, before realizing that wasn't quite the right response. "You got up early too, didn't you? Why are you out of bed already?" 

The way Gordon ambled into the kitchen, blanket wrapped around his shoulders and clad in fuzzy slippers, was endearing enough to make Benrey grin. Gordon poured some water into a mug before throwing it into the microwave. "I gotta figure out getting Joshie back from his mom... Also gotta run to the school and let them know I'm back." 

Benrey scoffed dismissively. "The school isn't gonna lose sleep if you take the day off, you're still in recovery." A little frustrated, he huffed. He didn't like the way Gordon was always pushing himself so hard. He was gonna get himself in trouble. He already _had_ , to be honest. Otherwise, his ribs wouldn't be cracked. 

Gordon pulled some instant coffee from a cabinet and stirred them into his hot water, smiling at Benrey and seeming endeared. "Hey, don't worry about me. It won't take me too long, and even if I go pick up Josh, I should be back around lunch." 

Benrey kept pouting, sinking against the couch cushions. It seemed to work against Gordon. 

He was rewarded by a laugh, and he blinked as he felt something cold against his arm. Gordon was standing beside him now, holding a can of Monster out to him. "Here's _your_ coffee, gamer." 

Finally, Benrey cracked a genuine, shark-toothed grin. Sometimes Gordon really got it. He punctured the top of the can with his teeth, slurping obnoxiously through the perforations he'd left. 

As Gordon got dressed to leave, Benrey pulled on his hoodie, making preparations for a trip of his own. He kissed Gordon goodbye and watched the physicist drive off, then immediately made his way to the Coolatta residence, where he was certain most of the Science Team had spent the night hanging out. 

His intuition was spot-on, and Darnold was still around by the time he showed up. "Hey, Darnold. Darnie. Darnit?" 

"Just Darnold will suffice." The potions expert folded his arms behind his back. "What's the matter?"

Suddenly sobering up, Benrey guided Darnold to another room. "I need you to tell me everything that happened when you were with Forzen." 

At the mention of Forzen's name, Darnold seemed surprised, but he nodded slowly. "Yes, he had a lot to say about you. He was hesitant to say most of it. He came by because he's apparently working for the ghostbusters now, following anomalous activity, and he helped me with my potions. Every time he mentioned you, which was... often, he seemed very heavy-hearted." Darnold paused. "You plan to seek him out?" 

Benrey paused thoughtfully. He wanted to, but he wasn't sure where Forzen was, or if Forzen would even want to see him. After some deliberation, he decided to leave it to fate, pulling his phone up and typing a number into a text field. He wasn't sure if Forzen even still had the same number, so if Forzen answered, he was meant to meet with him again. In his head, it made perfect sense. He hesitated before sending a message. 

_Hey bro. Meet me at the Costco parking lot in 30 minutes if you want an ass-kicking._

A perfect and eloquent way to express his desire to meet up. He left House Coolatta abruptly, making his way to the Costco. He really liked Costco. With its high ceiling and wide aisles of cement, filled with industrial-sized quantities of anything you could ever want, it was bizarre enough to feel like home. Plus, the parking lot was huge, and the perfect location for a chance meeting. 

He nearly jumped when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, accompanied by the death sound effect from Dark Souls. His text tone. Forzen responded?! He grabbed his phone right away, staring at the screen and reading the message. 

_Here._

He turned around to find himself face to face with a ridiculously thick neck. In spite of himself, he grinned wide. Exactly the way he remembered him. 

Forzen frowned deeply, furrows visible in his jowls. "What do you need?" 

"Didn't you come for an ass-kicking, man? I mean, that's what it said in the message. Duh." 

Benrey was trying to be playful, but his mood flagged as he keyed in on the fact that Forzen didn't seem to be in the mood to play. 

"I'm not in the mood to play." Forzen grunted, folding his arms. God, he could crush a watermelon with the crook of his elbow. 

"Look man..." Benrey hesitated. Why couldn't things just be the way they used to? Why did it have to be so hard? "Darnold told me what you did for him. That was nice of you." 

"I didn't do it for him." Forzen snapped, then pursed his lips, looking sheepish. "Well, after a while, I did. He's a good guy. But I mean, I did it initially cuz he said you were out there, and that you guys needed help." 

A rare moment of speechlessness overcame Benrey. "You... did it... for me?"

Forzen grit his teeth, jaw clenching. "Well, what did you think I'd do? Just say, 'ah fuck it' and leave?" He hissed through his teeth as he tried to settle. 

"Don't you hate me?" Benrey was utterly confused. 

That question seemed to blindside Forzen, who sputtered. "Hate--?! You..." He inhaled. "Man, you don't understand _anything,_ do you?" 

"I don't understand what's going on in your head, bro!" Benrey's voice rose. He couldn't stand being accused of cluelessness. That was for humans, not for him. 

"Then figure that out before calling me out somewhere!" Forzen started to walk away, not facing Benrey any longer. Benrey's heart sank heavy into his chest.

"That mean I can call you out somewhere again, iiiiif I think about what I did?" He grinned, trying to deflect. 

Forzen didn't even look back. "If you can prove you're capable of reflecting on your actions, sure." He climbed into his Hummer without another word, leaving Benrey standing in the parking lot, looking horribly isolated in the wide expanse of asphalt. 

Anger came first, then a deep sadness. "Maaaan... this shit sucks." Benrey complained to no one in particular as he started the walk home, seeming only slightly suspicious as he plodded along the highway. 

Gordon had been a man of his word, and was already at home with Joshua when Benrey came back. Lunch was on the table, and the kid was finishing off a sandwich. On seeing Benrey, he grinned wide, a piece of lettuce stuck between uneven baby teeth. "Benrey!" 

"Hey, uh, bud. Eating a gourmet meal over there, huh? Gordon make you a Michelin Star ham sammie?" Joshua giggled. Benrey grabbed a sandwich for himself, cramming the whole affair into his mouth without much thought. 

As he chewed, Gordon approached. "Hey, where were you?" He hesitated. "I mean, you can go wherever you want, I'm just curious." 

Benrey snickered. Gordon had a habit of asking where he was if they so much as got separated at the store. It was amusing, honestly. What a space cadet. "I just went to check up on the boys." It wasn't a lie. He had been to see the Science Team, and technically, Forzen could be classified as boys, right? 

He didn't want to let Gordon know exactly what had happened. It was too vulnerable. He wasn't ready to expose one of his old, deep wounds like that. Instead, he rested his head against Gordon's shoulder. "You gonna actually stay home to recover now?" 

"Yeah, yeah. Apparently Tommy told them that I was visiting family out of state, which I guess isn't a total lie. I said that I'd gotten hurt there and needed a day to recover." 

"You're only taking a day!? Bones take more than a day!" Benrey stared at Gordon incredulously. "Why are you such a workaholic? In such a hurry to write on a blackboard again?" 

Gordon snickered, and Benrey let himself feel relief. The less worried Gordon was, the better.

At least one of them could relax.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey decides to have an important talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this is entirely off-the-cuff and written for fun, but I hope it's enjoyable!

Benrey didn't sleep that night, either. 

He'd watched with scanning eyes as Gordon put Joshua to bed, watched him head to their room before following, not at his heels the way he usually was. They laid down together, as usual, but closer than they used to be. Gordon's remaining hand found its way to Benreys, and laced their fingers together as he drifted off. 

Benrey remained wide awake, staring at Gordon and wondering what he was supposed to do or how he was supposed to feel.

He wanted to be happy, he _was_ happy! He was finally with Gordon after having courted him since practically the moment they met. He had way more friends than he'd ever had, and even some friends who kind of almost understood him, were closer to what he was than human. 

But every time he started to settle, Forzen's hard, cold stare filled his mind and his sharp tone reverberated against his skull. How could he fix what was clearly so fucked up?

He thought about it long and hard. They'd argued, hadn't they? Yes, Benrey remembered. They'd fought, for the very first time. Ever. And Benrey couldn't take it. So he left, and didn't look back. 

_And Forzen didn't stop me either._ That hurt more than it ought to have. He'd talk to Forzen again, all right. Maybe as soon as tomorrow. But now... He realized he'd been staring forward hard, gaze out into the middle distance. He refocused on Gordon. _His_ Gordon. Not some doppelganger from another universe, his Gordon. 

They'd "fought" since the outset of their relationship, Benrey mused. There had been no period of time where Gordon hadn't been snippy with him, or lost his temper. As opposed to Forzen, Gordon had immediately been on the defensive. To be fair, he'd immediately been antagonistic. Somehow, it made the current kindness all the sweeter.

He hoped it would help. He wanted things to be different this time. He didn't want to do something that would hurt Gordon, like he'd hurt Forzen when he left. _But I was hurt, too_. 

He continued to stay awake and stare until the sun began to creep through the curtains, and watched as Gordon's eyes opened, admiring his bright green irises as he often did. "Wakin' up with the sun, huh? That's rare." 

"Pffft..." Gordon mumbled quietly, sleep heavy in his voice. "Went to bed early, so it makes sense." Carefully, he sat up, looking at the time on his phone. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Nah. Why would I?" 

"Because you like to?" Gordon threw him an inquisitive look, brow cocked. Benrey smirked. 

"Yeah, but only sometimes." 

Sighing, Gordon shook his head as he flung his legs over the edge of the bed. "I'm gonna get breakfast started, anyway. Any requests?" 

"Yeah. Cereal, but like, with oreos and Monster instead of frosted flakes and milk."

"No. Make that yourself. I'm gonna make omelets, you can have one if your plans fall through." With that, Gordon shuffled into the kitchen groggily, leaving Benrey to his own devices for a while. 

Benrey decided he didn't want to be left to his own devices and followed Gordon to harass him, walking directly behind him and poking him in the back over and over. He earned a heavy sigh for his efforts. When they arrived in the kitchen, Benrey sat up on the counter while Gordon worked. 

"So, you uh..." Benrey hummed. "You come here often?"

Gordon shot him a bemused glance. "Kind of every day, Benrey. You too. We live here." 

"Yeah we do." Living together still hadn't worn down its novelty for Benrey. He didn't think it ever would. He thought for a while longer, recalling things he'd heard in the past. "Thanks for making breakfast, uh, darlin?"

At that, Gordon snorted. "Did you pick that up from Barn-- I mean, the country pumpkin?" 

"Nope, 100% local grown and original, I swear," Benrey lied. 

"I don't know if "darlin" works out of your mouth. It suited Barney cuz he's got the southern drawl." Gordon cracked a couple of eggs on a paper towel on the counter, agitating them as they sizzled in the pan. 

Benrey hopped off the counter to stand right up next to Gordon. "Well, okay, since you're like, the expert professor of pet names, what _should_ I call you? Honey? Cutie? Babe?" 

It became apparent that while Gordon didn't _want_ to be delighted at the prospect of being sweet-talked, he couldn't stop himself from smiling wider. "I mean, you can just call me Gordon. Though you rarely said my name even before we started dating... Babe sounds like something you'd say." 

Benrey leaned against the counter, resting his hand on strangely uneven countertop. "So, then, can I get a good morning kiss, babe?" 

Gordon turned his body to face Benrey, but his expression suddenly dropped. "Oh my god-- Benrey!!" All at once, he grabbed the wrist that Benrey had been leaning against. Benrey looked down. Apparently he'd not noticed he was resting his hand _on_ one of the hot eyes of the stove. 

Killing the eyes quickly, Gordon rushed Benrey over to the sink, turning the faucet and pushing his hand under the water. 

"Don't worry. I didn't even notice. It didn't hurt." True, he hadn't noticed, but now that he looked at the big angry red mark on his hand. it was stinging. The water felt nice, though. 

"Benrey, you have to be more careful!" Gordon's tone was strained, like he was trying to be stern but failing in his concern. "How did you space out so hard that you didn't realize your hand was burning?" 

As Gordon tended the burn, Benrey continued to space out. Gordon, for all of his effort to appear thorny and cagey, was really a sweet person at his core. The way he carefully put ointment on the burn while all the while watching Benrey's expression for signs of pain, and bandaged it while fretting about how it might blister... Benrey realized that he might have a bit of a type. 

"...rey... Benrey...?" Shit. Gordon had been trying to get his attention. His eyes snapped to Gordon's face. "You've been acting kind of weird and vacant since yesterday. Is everything alright?" 

"Oh, yeah. Don't worry bout it." Benrey waved his free hand dismissively. "I'm just tired, you know? From everything that happened." 

Seeming convinced, Gordon nodded, sighing. "Me too... Well, I have the day off, so why don't we just spend the day in? We don't have to go anywhere or do anything." 

Benrey sucked in a breath. "I do gotta go somewhere for a bit." 

"What?" Oh no, Gordon sounded like he was pouting. Benrey's heart swelled in his chest. "Well... How long will you take?" 

"Not long, not long." Benrey tried to reassure. "I just gotta take care of something. Then we can spend the rest of the day together." 

He was being purposefully vague, and Gordon seemed to pick up on the fact that he didn't want to get more specific. "Okay... Just hurry back, yeah?" 

"I'll speedrun it. Benrey get shit done any% with commentary." 

Gordon laughed, brightly. Benrey felt a little more at ease. They were both distracted by the sound of small footsteps pittering into the room. "What happened to your hand, Benrey?" Joshua stood before them, holding onto a stuffed rabbit Dr. Coomer had gotten him for his birthday.

"Just hurt my hand, bud." Benrey held it up. "Look, now me and Gordon match."

Thus, breakfast was eaten and the morning wrapped up without much incident. 

Benrey looked at his phone again. He didn't know why he was expecting a message, but he still felt disheartened when nothing showed up. Whatever, he would do the legwork himself. 

_Meet me at the IKEA in thirty minutes okay yeah good glad we agree_

IKEA, like Costco, was strangely comforting to Benrey. Stepping into it was like going into an alternate universe. And of course, once again, the parking lot was big enough that two people could have a talk without standing out too much. 

Benrey was checking his phone almost obsessively, now. Why did he feel so on edge? Finally, it buzzed, and he read the message. 

_Here._

Straight to the point as usual. Benrey sighed quietly as he stalked the levels of the lot, trying to find Forzen. It wasn't difficult, the motherfucker was practically a giant. 

The brick shithouse opened his scowling mouth to speak. "So, why did you call me here." He sounded expectant.

"You want an apology, right?" Benrey cocked a brow. "Then explain why you let me leave and I just might."

For a moment, Benrey could see Forzen's eyes widen, his nostrils flare. Good. Striking a nerve meant that they might actually get somewhere. That was Benrey's feelings, anyway. If people were pissed off, it made them do something about it. Nothing got people's asses in gear better.

Forzen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ugh. Come with me." He started wandering away from the lot, off of the blacktop and onto the unkempt, grassy area offroad. "Not having this discussion in front of an entire department store."

"Depart-- IKEA is not a department store. It's a furniture store." Benrey smirked. "Duh."

"It's got departments, hasn't it? For bedding, household goods, it's even got a food court and a grocery. It's a department store." 

Benrey stared at Forzen in bewilderment. Was this really what they were talking about right now? He was starting to understand how Gordon felt about Chuck. E. Cheese... "That's not what we're here to talk about."

"No it's not." Forzen turned to look at Benrey now that they were in a more secluded spot. "You said you want me to _explain_ myself?" 

Benrey didn't miss the edge in Forzen's tone. "Yeah. Tell me why you let me go."

"Why did you go in the first place?" Forzen's eyes blazed again, briefly. "I get needing some space after an argument, but you just up and took your stuff, and left!" 

Benrey paused briefly. "Well, I thought you didn't like me." 

Forzen hesitated then. "Wait, why would you think I...?" 

"Well we fought, right? We'd never fought before that. And like... We fought cuz you were being dismissive about something I was trying to vent about, you were acting so aloof about it, man. I thought you were sick of me." Benrey's chest ached. The emotions from that time were starting to revisit him, at least a little. "You'd never done anything like that before..."

"So... I fuck up once, and then we're done?" Forzen didn't seem too convinced. "It sounds like you put me on some unattainable pedestal, and when I inevitably slipped, your image of me shattered." 

That made Benrey think, again. Yeah, maybe he had believed that Forzen would never hurt him, but was that really so wrong? "I never imagined you'd hurt me like that." 

"I never _wanted_ to hurt you!" Forzen snapped, then exhaled, trying to gather his composure. "I'm only human, man. And besides, you can't tell me at all that you've never hurt someone you cared about, even by mistake. I wouldn't buy that for a second." 

Immediately, Benrey thought about all the times he'd antagonized Gordon. Both of them, honestly. Those had been on purpose, mostly. Sometimes, the reaction was worse than he'd wanted, certainly. And he and Bubby _had_ sold G2 out to the military. Tried to. And hadn't he been the one to trigger G2's powerade-sodden mental breakdown?

"Besides," Forzen scoffed, "I saw the way you and that scientist interacted. Freeman, right? You two hardly looked like the picture of marital bliss." 

"Someone jealous?" Benrey would never admit it, but he was on the defensive, now. He felt like he had to do something to deflect. "Well maybe if you're invited to the wedding, you can catch the bouquet." Bouquet, he'd pronounced as boo-ket. He wasn't human, after all. 

Forzen understood though, and moreover, he looked fucking _pissed._ In an instant, Benrey was on the ground, with more than two-hundred pounds of angry soldier wrestling him into a headlock. "You fucker!" Despite the anger he was trying to project, Forzen sounded genuinely hurt. "Just gonna dangle that in my face, huh?" 

Benrey wasn't about to just accept his fate of getting choked out by this big burly baby, though, and the two of them wrestled for the better part of 30 minutes, slinging half-hearted insults and quips at one another. For a minute, it felt like the way they used to be, play-fighting and going back-and-forth with teases that were more said in love than anger. Once again, his chest ached. 

Finally, they broke away from one another, lying side by side and catching their breath. Sighing, Forzen sat up. He didn't face Benrey. "I..." Benrey blinked. Forzen's voice had wavered. "I wish it could have gone back to normal." 

"You and me both." Benrey murmured. "I... Miss you, bro."

There was silence for a moment. "I miss you too."

"So I heard." Benrey's voice was uncharacteristically quiet. "Darnold told me." 

"I'm glad. He's a reliable guy." 

Slowly, Benrey got to his feet. "Yeah... Look... I should go. Home." 

"Yeah, same." Forzen quipped casually. He still refused to show his eyes. "Look.. I'll text you later."

Immediately, Benrey's mood shifted. Things might never be the same, but if he could have his friend back... "You will?"

"I said I would, didn't I? Count on it." Forzen started walking back to the parking lot. Benrey just watched for a while, feeling lighter-hearted than he had been. 

Before heading home, Benrey stepped into the IKEA and picked some stuff up. 

When he got home, he took the liberty of hurling a cinnamon roll at Gordon with full force. Gordon yelped in surprise when the wrapped confectionery bonked him on the head. Picking it up, he looked over at Benrey, baffled. "Uhm. Welcome back?" 

"Yo. Got you a cinnamon bun, cuz you're epic." He held up his bag. "Got some more stuff too. Hope you want meatballs for dinner." 

Looking charmed, Gordon rose to full height, pecking Benrey on the cheek. "Thanks. I was just thinking I had a sweet tooth." 

"Uh, me too." Benrey clicked his tongue. "So, I'm gonna need some more of that sugar, STAT." 

Rolling his eyes and grinning, Gordon showered Benrey's face in light kisses. "Now come on, you sap. I've been sitting around all morning and I'd much rather sit around with you." 

"Good to hear you're actually, ya know, sitting, and not like, doing a deep clean of the house while you're still recovering." They settled on the couch, all huddled up together with cinnamon rolls and lingonberry juice. 

Benrey stared at Gordon for a good long while, deep in thought. Forzen had been right about something, at least. Gordon had never pretended to be perfect, and often reacted quickly from anger or frustration. But Benrey figured that this time, he could do things differently. This time, he wouldn't just up and leave. He was determined to make this work. 

Gordon noticed he was being stared at and glanced in Benrey's direction, grinning wide with flecks of cinnamon on his face. Benrey's expression softened. By god, it would work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that! I will say writing from Benrey's perspective is really fun. It's a good challenge to try and put myself in the mindset of someone who isn't entirely human and doesn't quite get how humans work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey needs a little more convincing that things will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure I was gonna write this chapter but I wanted to do something soft and healing. There's some discussions of x-rays and CT scans and the like.

The rest of the afternoon had been uneventful, but Benrey was okay with that. It was more relaxing that way, and besides, if he got too bored, he could just _make_ something happen. 

Instead, they ate dinner together (Benrey still wasn*t over the novelty of that) and spent the evening just taking it easy. The lights that Benrey had ordered finally showed up, and he earned several sweet, grateful kisses for that, so needless to say he was in quite a good mood. He helped Gordon hang them up in their room before they settled in for bed. 

Benrey slept that night, for the first time in a while. His dreams were mostly pleasant. He noticed Forzen kept popping up in them, but the sight of his old friend was no longer accompanied by the same sense of woe and loneliness. He'd heard the others talk about emotional healing in such vague terms before, but maybe this was what it meant to get better. 

He didn't even wake up when Gordon did. He only stirred when he heard Gordon heave a sharp gasp while getting ready for work. His eyes snapped open and he was dragging Gordon back to the bed before the scientist-- sorry, _professor_ \- could put up a resistance. 

"Benrey--" he attempted, regardless.

"You're obviously not fully recovered." Benrey stated plainly. "You need to take today off and just rest for the weekend." 

Gordon sighed, dropping his head against the pillow. Benrey grinned. He figured getting Gordon back to their cozy little nest of blankets would be enough to convince him. He leaned over and kissed Gordon's temple, noting how the other's brows twitched in response. It amused him to no end how much of an open book Gordon was emotionally. 

"I need to call the school, though..." Gordon mumbled. 

"Then just do it from the bed, duh. We have cellphones for a reason, idiot-uh." He overemphasized the word idiot in a strange voice to make it clear he was just messing around. He'd picked up that Gordon needed some things to be made a little more clearly stated, if their confession had been anything to go by. 

Gordon seemed to read him well enough and just smirked, grabbing his phone from the bedside table. "Shut uuuup." He flicked through his contacts before tapping a number and immediately sat up a little straighter in bed, face growing serious. "Hello? Hi. This is Gordon. Yes.... Oh, thank you. I'm actually still in a lot of pain, moving around takes a lot and-- oh, oh. Thank you. That's kind of you," Benrey grinned in amusement as he realized how different Gordon sounded when talking to an authority, like the head of the Physics Department. 

As Gordon put down the phone, Benrey hummed nonchalantly. "They tell you to keep your ass home?"

"In so many words, yeah. It's nice to work in a place that actually takes you seriously when you get hurt." Gordon sighed. "After however many injuries I got during HEV training only to get told to suck it up." 

Benrey's head slowly tilted to the side. He wanted to hear more stories like that. _No, that's not quite right._ What he really wanted, he supposed, was for Gordon to be open with him, to tell him more vulnerable things, so that he could give Gordon the comfort he deserved. It looked like he hadn't gotten enough of that. 

But he wouldn't push it right now. Gordon seemed to be in a decent mood. Instead, he decided to keep that going. "Want me to make breakfast?"

"That's sweet to offer, but I don't trust you not to make something absolutely fucking insane, but how about you help _me_ make it?" Gordon reluctantly dragged himself from the covers again, but kept one draped around his shoulders like a robe. Benrey couldn't help but snort. Gordon was half in his pajamas and half-dressed for work, a button-up and flannel pants, and with the blanket cape, he looked very funny indeed. 

They set up in the kitchen as they had the day before, Gordon standing in front of the stove while Benrey "helped" (while also making himself a complete nuisance). Gordon had settled on making french toast, this time. Benrey smirked. 

"First omelets, now this? Lemme guess, you bought a pack of eggs and they're bout to go bad, so you're trying to use 'em all up." 

Gordon huffed, drawing his lips and proving Benrey right. He snickered and jabbed Gordon in the sides, making him squirm. "Augh! Don't-- Don't tickle me while I'm working with a hot pan, dumbass!" 

"Dumbass!" Benrey gasped, mock offended. "How'm I a dumbass? Huh? Huh?" He didn't stop, obviously, just prodding Gordon's waist with his fingertips over and over. The scientist practically squealed as he wriggled out of reach, then gasped, resting a hand over his own chest. 

Benrey sobered up immediately, stepping to Gordon and singing quietly. Once Gordon's hand stopped gripping at his own shirt, Benrey eyed him with concern. "Still not better?" 

"I should probably go get an X-ray, to be honest. I probably... should have done that the day we got back." Gordon worried his own lip thoughtfully. "I figured it would be fine since you've been using the sweet voice..." 

"I thought so too." Benrey admitted. It was a more vulnerable admission than he cared to say. "Maybe they can give you like, a brass, though?" 

"A wha- oh, a brace?" Gordon sighed. "Maybe so. I'll finish breakfast, then call a clinic." 

Breakfast went by easily, if not a little more subdued than how it started. Joshua came out of his room to join them after a bit, apparently having inherited Gordon's tendency to sleep in. It amused Benrey how Joshua attempted to emulate him, too, even before he and Gordon were officially together. He'd begged Gordon for 'a cool hoodie like Benrey's,' and was adamant about being allowed to drink Monster like Benrey did. Gordon was highly hesitant to allow a small child to have an energy drink, but he compromised by getting Joshua a Monster-themed thermos to drink normal kid drinks out of. He was even using it at breakfast, taking a swig before grinning at Benrey with a milk mustache. 

After breakfast, Gordon called around like he said he would, finally finding a clinic that would do the imaging he needed. He got dressed properly this time, but to Benrey's relief he was at least not wearing his stiff work clothes, going instead for something actually comfortable. "Josh, you wanna go with me, or you wanna stay with Benrey?" 

"I'm coming with you!" He hurried to Gordon's side, waving goodbye to Benrey. Apparently, his current fixation was doctors and things like that, and he wanted to go to pretty much every appointment his parents had. 

Benrey grinned and waved back. Kids were weird, but he understood.

All alone at the apartment, Benrey was at a bit of a loss. It wasn't that he couldn't handle being left to his own devices, but so much had been happening lately. He booted up the playstation he'd brought to Gordon's place and started playing something half-assedly. He nearly jumped when his phone buzzed against his leg. 

It was a message from Forzen. _Hey. Seen this yet?_ The message was followed by a link to some Youtube video. Benrey clicked it and was delighted to see a trailer for a game coming out soon. Yes, he'd seen it, but it meant Forzen was trying to talk to him again the way they used to. 

_Yeah man, it looks super cool. I totally wanna try it out._

_I figured. It looks like your kind of game.  
_

Benrey blinked. _How so?_ He knew himself, but he wanted to hear Forzen's reasoning. It was comforting to think that Forzen still thought about him. 

As Forzen explained why he thought the game would suit him, Benrey read along with a small smile. They were talking again. That's what this was, right? They could be friends again. Forzen was clearly willing to try. Benrey was willing, too. 

But like a leech, or a disease, dissatisfaction crept its way through Benrey's veins. 

A part of him was frustrated at himself for it. Why couldn't he just be happy and stay happy with everything he'd been gifted? Why couldn't he just stay calm for once? He had so much, so many things that he'd longed and waited for. He had things he never thought he'd have again! Why was he still unhappy?

Sighing, he picked up his phone again, typing quickly. _Why did you dismiss me?_

Forzen didn't respond for a while. Benrey wondered if he would. He started cussing himself out. Why did he bring that up? They were having a perfectly nice conversation and he ruined it by being salty about the past. Now Forzen probably felt uncomfortable. Would he even ans-- Benrey's phone went off as he spiraled, and he forced himself to look. 

_It's my own damn fault. I was already tired that day, I'd been stressed about work, and you were talking about stuff that pissed you off, and all the other times I could handle it, but I lost my temper and got exasperated._

There was a moment's hesitation. Benrey exhaled. Honestly, that did make sense. Stress on top of stress, or something like that. Before he could respond, Forzen sent another message.

_This feels like a conversation we should have in person._

Half of Benrey agreed, and the other half didn't want to seriously look Forzen in the face and tell him how hurt he was that Forzen had dismissed him while he was ranting about E3. Forzen messaged again, again. 

_I know it's something that you're super passionate about, and I know you aren't human, so you don't have the same perspective that other people do. I'm not gonna say that I haven't earned any of the blame for us splitting up. I know I had a big hand in it.  
_

That tugged at something in Benrey's chest. He guessed that this was the "validation" that people so desperately craved, and he could get why. It felt comforting to be told that your pain wasn't without basis. Sure, an outsider might think that their big fight was over video games, and that was pointless and silly, but Forzen got the depth of it. Forzen understood that it wasn't about the topic, it was about the dismissal, and was actually apologetic about it and trying to make amends. It felt good. 

Benrey was glad no one was home. He rubbed at his eyes a little bit before sniffing and typing out a message. _Thanks, man. I'm glad you actually get it. I was worried.  
_

The response was almost immediate. _Don't be. I get it._

While neither of them stated explicitly what "it" was that Forzen got, Benrey knew that they understood each other well enough that it didn't have to be said. He had always liked that about him and Forzen. Things didn't have to be laid out to be understood. Being known on that level was a nice feeling. He smiled as he typed out another text. 

_So yeah, bout that game, man. Crazy shit. I hope that they let you..._

They'd been messaging for what hadn't felt like a long time before Benrey heard the sound of a keychain outside the door. Checking the time, he realized with a bit of shock that a few hours had already passed. Gordon stepped in with Joshua at his heels. Joshua was carrying a file folder that looked like it was full of pictures. 

Benrey slowly rose to his feet, tucking his phone into the pocket of his hoodie. "Hey, how'd it go?"

Gordon smiled, but he looked pretty tired. "Not horrible, I guess? They took an X-ray and a CT scan, they said the fractures had been pretty bad based on the trauma to the surrounding tissue. Apparently I'm lucky that none of my organs got damaged." He pulled a disturbed face. "They were shocked by how quickly the breaks are healing." Saying as much, he leaned in and landed a soft peck against Benrey's lips. "Got you to thank for that." 

Joshua held up his file excitedly. "They gave me copies of the pictures they took of Daddy!" Gordon smiled, bewildered by his son's enthusiasm for medical imaging. 

"Oh yeah?" Benrey moved back to the couch, patting it. "C'mon bud, let's see them." Joshua beamed from ear to ear, so brightly that Benrey thought he might need sunglasses, and hurried over, crawling up to Benrey's side and shifting through the pictures, pointing out this fracture or that tissue damage. 

Gordon sat on the other side of Benrey, sighing quietly. "Apparently they don't give braces to people with injured ribs because shallow breathing can cause pneumonia..." His head rested against Benrey's shoulder. "So they basically just told me to keep resting as much as possible." 

"So that means you're gonna stay home for a while more?" Benrey perked up hopefully. 

"Seems like it."

"Niiiiice." He carefully wrapped an arm around Gordon to keep him close, watching as Joshua stood up to go get his drawing pad, laying down on the living room floor and sketching pictures of x-rays in crayon. 

"Well, at least someone had fun with all this." Gordon chuckled quietly, then nuzzled against Benrey's arm. "Wanna watch a movie tonight? I still haven't seen Akira, and I thought it'd be nice to watch it together."

"Hell yeah we can watch that." Benrey's smile widened, teeth baring slightly. "Since you're gonna be home for a long time, we should have a big movie marathon. Catch you up on all the stuff you haven't seen."

"Sounds like fun." Gordon's arms looped around Benrey. Benrey closed his eyes and soaked in the comfortable vibe of the room. 

Maybe, finally, he could allow himself to be content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This made me happy to write. Overall, it's a very cozy chapter about healing and trying to understand the people around you. And as always, Benrey is just a lot of fun. 
> 
> Also, had to look up a lot of information on ribcage injuries for this chapter, lmfao.

**Author's Note:**

> I could not Help Myself LMFAO I just want to delve a bit into the lore of the past! It's a loose thread, how could I not? Besides, I live for drama.   
> This may end up being a multi-chapter affair. 
> 
> I didn't expect to do this so quickly but I got vERY inspired. 
> 
> Also, I was surprised how hard Benrey POV is! It's a fun challenge.


End file.
